Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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