Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
