Whoa Z and x make the same sound
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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