think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
