Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
