An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
