I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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