I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
