white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
