Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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