the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
