really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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