i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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