When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
