are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
