I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
