you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
