Jerry, you need to find god
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
