his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it penis luge time yet?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
