i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
