he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize