new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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