You just made me feel so damn special
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
