she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
