I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
