Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
