we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
