i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
