Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i have two assholes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
