Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
