if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
