I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
