4 words: hood of his car
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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