Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
