My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
