Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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