it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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