I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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