is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
