i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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