Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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