I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
