A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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