remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
