You smell like stripper and shame
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
