see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
