I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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