You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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