Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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