she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
