just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
