you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
