Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
