but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
