did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
