When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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