Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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