You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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