OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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