you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
