you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
