If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
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