when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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