running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize