you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize