My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
