Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
