I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
