How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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