I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
two words...techno handjob
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
