We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
