I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
