She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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