Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
