so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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