and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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