and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
