happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
